Akuma no Riddle – 12 Review
Uhm, I’m pretty sure, that’s NOT how multiple-choice-tests works. Also, it’s important to note that none of the questions this guy had sent Tokaku were ‘multiple-choice-tests’.
Was Akuma no Riddle a Yuri-series? Actually, I would say no. First of all, there’s hardly anything romantic about its plot and second, the romance that was there was just THE WORST. I don’t even understand how anyone could’ve fucked up writing a script for such a mediocre concept…?! A bunch of assassins try to kill a girl, one of them decides to protect her, they fall in love, turns out the original victim is somewhat complicit in the crime that’s happening, protector-girl needs to make a decision, love wins in the end and everyone involved somehow lives happily ever after… HOW THE HELL COULD YOU FUCK THIS UP?!
What should you say at the end? Something nice would be nice, a sob-story to capture the hearts of the audience is also interesting, then again, what about a reproach, a hateful reminder for the shit humanity has done? But normally just a simple message will do, even better yet, if it’s summarized in the end by some fancy mouthpiece so that even the last idiot of the audience understands why he had just wasted his time watching whatever garbage was on the screen. There was a moment in MST3K when Crow called that very thing ‘Message time’ and considering how old this great series is by now, it’s weird how that’s still a thing in a lot of movies and TV-series. Luckily, though, Akuma no Riddle doesn’t fall into that trap. No, it just goes for a happy ending – and while it’s at that, it simply throws silly stuff like logic, pacing, character-developmenats and so on out of the window.
It’s a fucking mess! Look, Akuma no Riddle was at no point a contender for best show of the season, let alone, best yuri-show, but this ending is just insulting. Drama is about conflict, about the clash of stupidity with reason and, in the end, the story will find some supernatural way to deal with this shitty business because it simply can’t deal with the fucking expectation to be meaningful. And everyone’s happy, you know! That’s the whole point of whatever shit fiction’s doing! Do you think there’s anyone writing torture-porn because he’s a sadist…? No, of course not, he’s writing that shit because one, it makes money and two, because whoever the target-audience is, find that sort of thing exciting. There’s a reason behind it. I’m not a mind-reader but I like to think that only morons would do shit without thinking. Okay, most of humanity is enough of a shithead to be an idiot at one point or another, but overall, there’s the aspiration that you reach reasonable people with reasonable art. But that’s hard to do when you don’t give a shit about even creating something reasonable. I don’t want to think that the writers of this series didn’t wanna be reasonable when they wrote this shitty ending. Seriously, though, how could anyone have looked at this terrible script and be like “Yeah, let’s animate this shit. It’s the last episode. Fuck pay-off!”? This script stinks; you really have done a really fucking bad job if your last episode is the WORST one of the entire season. It’s THE LAST episode Akuma no Riddle will ever get! The manga is still ongoing! Have some fucking respect! The author of the original manga is still trying to sell her series and now this fucking turd of an anime drops on the public! Why would any Japanese manga-author want her stuff to be adapted to an anime if it ends up being fucking shit like this?! Sure, it will give her a boost in manga-sales… and then it will drop drastically, I bet, once everyone had seen the ending of this anime.
I bet that’s the most yawn-worthy mention of shamanism that has ever happened in an anime! After all those magic-acrobats, cyborgs, immortals and whatnot, here’s finally the girl who does fucking magic… except it’s the least interesting demonstration of magic imaginable, of course.
So, we’re finally there. The finale, the end of the road, the conclusion, the final act… whatever other bullshit you can come up with… in the end it doesn’t matter what you call it, because this series does NOT have a finale. You may wonder ‘But M0rg0th, this is the last episode of this series and things are being wrapped up. There’s also a happy ending!’ and I will say to you ‘Fuck you! I don’t give a shit! You just watched a team of script-writers shitting their pants and using that shit to write the scripts of this episode!’. Jesus, maybe they even ate their shit, I don’t know…! Look, this episode is just abysmal. Maybe you hadn’t realized that, yet, if you haven’t been following this review until now. But this finale episode of Akuma no Riddle is fucking garbage!
This series seriously tried to sell its happy ending with a lame time-jump. A fucking time-jump! Yeah, I would like to have a time-travel-option for my happy ending, too, thank you very much! Well, fuck those script-writers! You think, I’m fucking happy about this stupid time-jump that resolves ALL problems?! They believed we would have flying cars by now in the 80s but we do NOT have fucking flying cars, do we?! So, why the hell would anyone buy into this shitty time-jump creating happy endings?!
First of all, Tokaku: She’s the fucking hero of the series and she comes up with the MOST fucked up way to prove her love I’ve ever seen. Sure, let’s just watch you kill the girl you love and find out whether she’s dead enough to deserve love! I’ve already talked about how the notion of freedom that inspires Tokaku to escape her bogus-geas is HIGHLY AMORAL and we certainly get to see the results of that this week.
I get it! Tokaku loves a girl with a magical mind-control-reek. So, now she wants to know whether she wants to scissor the shit out of her for shits and giggles or whether she’s a mind-controlled drone of the bee-illuminati. Turns out, though, this mind-control-power is as scientific as the fucking Bermuda-triangle, so she does the reasonable thing… She tries to fucking kill the bitch that dared to make her realize she’s a lesbian. ‘Is that reasonable?’, you may wonder. Of course, it is NOT. That course of action is akin to trying to kill the guy who sells groceries as an act of bartering: “Okay, this makes three bucks for these apples.” “Let me stick a knife into you and see whether you’re honest about this offer, shall we?”. How’s THAT for a fucking ACT OF LOVE?!
Ms. Potatohead and Tokaku naturally come together in the end but seriously… In the epilogue Tokaku is dressed like she’s in some sort of ‘Worst Boyfriend’-Competition or something.
It’s a fucking disaster even before the time-jump happens! What’s with Nio disguising herself as Tokaku and doing the GOOD-cop-routine?! Oh, she eventually wanted to ambush her when she least expected it… Well, boo-fucking-hoo, nobody is even patient enough for this stupid roleplay, so why the hell does Nio even fucking bother, right?! It’s only the audience and Ms. Potatohead who have to suffer through THAT stupid trick. Why doesn’t she kill Ms. Potatohead right then and there after the latter has bought the stupid story of Nio-As-Tokaku?! Ms. Potatohead won’t squeal any less like a pig if she’s skinned by Tokaku OR Nio…! Ah, sorry, that was Hannibal, you know, that TV-series about professional murderers. Not this series, of course, because every serial killer is just a girl ready to become Batman or a new voice-actor for My Little Pony.
But then: A time jump! A fucking time-jump! I can’t stretch that enough: the ending of this series hinges upon a fucking fiction-based time-travel-mechanism! It’s not like Tokaku watching Ms. Potatohead leave in an ambulance, after she had tried to murder her, mind you, isn’t ripe for dramatical developments. A time-jump is actually okay to do after such a moment. Especially when this scene gets a smash-cut to the epilogue, it’s effective to use abruptness as an introduction to the epilogue. But this won’t matter, if you still don’t have a transition. Abruptness is actually a plot-device, being abrupt in a story isn’t just some hooligan-move in script-writing, so even that needs a bit of a setup.
Which brings me to the most problematic part of this episode: The change from the finale to the future happy-ending is SO jarring, you can’t help but feel incredulous or be amused by the incompetent storytelling that fuelled that decision. And it leads to a utopian ending. A fucking UTOPIA!
This series doesn’t even want to resolve ANYTHING! Let’s forget that the dramatic arc before this final episode was already DEEPLY flawed, but let’s concentrate on the fact that all this theoretical suffering of being targeted by a bunch of assassins has created a somewhat harrowing setup for this finale. Tokaku has protected Ms. Potatohead! Ms. Potatohead has survived the Black Class! Except… it turns out Ms. Testosterone still has some beef with her special lady. And then it basically cuts to them being all chummy and whatnot. That’s NOT an ending! That’s a fucking cop-out of an ending! Maybe they should end any Jesus-movie with a time-jump to whenever people pray to a cross with the hunky guy on it and let that be the ending of the Jesus-story. That would be just as relevant to the actual Jesus-story as this series’ epilogue is. It’s even worse because the fucking monstrosity takes up nearly half of the episode, needlessly reminding the audience that in a series with 12 assassins who try to kill a little girl – nobody dies.
Also, Tokaku becomes Ms. Potatohead’s boyfriend.
But who cares, it’s a fucking stupid series that didn’t get its shit together for a reasonable ending.